I met Joanne in 2002, we immediately clicked.
She had two children from a previous marriage 14 and 15 years old at the time.
Financially we both made about the same money, 130k -150k per year.
In 2003 we moved in together to the house she had from a previous marriage, and we married in 2004.
Life was good, we worked, went to the kids after school games, vacations, etc…..
In 2003 we went to Paris because Joanne wanted to turn 40 there.
It was a great trip, Paris and London.
At the end of 2004 Joanne was having some issues at her job and wanted to change employment.
She wanted to work in the city and advance her career.
My job as a recruiter for tech companies and later as a Realtor meant I could work from home.
I could make my schedule work more easily to be available for the kids.
We agreed that I would help in any way I could, her career would come first.
Over the years there were opportunities that I passed on to fulfill my responsibilities at home.
There were also advancements that I was passed over for because people knew she made a lot of money so I would be okay without the advancement.
Throughout the marriage I provided a safe and stable environment for her children so that she could further her career. I would make sure the kids got to school, were feed, did homework, all the things you would expect a father to do for his children. Her parents who lived nearby were also in poor health and she knew if anything happened I would be there. My issue is that I put others before myself and always try to do the right thing. That is something I am going to have to rethink.
I also provided all kinds of tech support to the companies she was working for that she would get credit for, from writing programs, fixing network issues, repairing PCs, making sure they didn’t overpay for hardware and software. I have hundreds of emails to prove all of this.
In 2005 Joanne made 18 trips out of the US each for five or more days.
She was compensated well for her work making 250k to 350k
The travel continued through 2006, again there were issues at work and Joanne wanted to change jobs.
She found a job as a CFO of a real estate development company, again the compensation was great.
The same amount of travel continued with the new company.
It was around this time that the money started to change her. It’s a shame the effect that money has on people.
I continued to take care of the house, pay all the bills except the mortgage, be there for the kids, take care of landscaping, vet bills for the dog that was sick $400-$500 month, laundry, help with her work, etc….
I took care of the house as if it were my own, stopping leaks in the basement, hanging ceiling fans at the house and the condo in Florida that was purchased in 2012, renovating the garage, overseeing kitchen and downstairs renovations, renovation of the back yard.
When Joanne was home and working in NYC I would take her to the train 20 minutes each way because it was an easier commute for her. Pick her up there also.
If the trains were having issues or if she had lots of paperwork to carry I would drive her into NYC.
If she worked late I would pick her up in the city, this was a two hour round trip for me, plus gas.
From 2005 moving forward my earnings decreased making between 50k to 90k a year, I was still spending approx. 4 hours a day taking care of her needs. Also still paying same bills at the house.
She also had blackout drinking issues.
At one point we spent a weekend in Galveston, She needed me to fix some tech issues in the Houston office. We sat in the pool at the bar, she proceeded to get blackout drunk and became abusive.
She could never understand why I never thanked her for the trip.
The kids grew up went to college and became great people, part of that was my doing and I will always be proud of that and of them. I miss them in my daily life.
Alyssa met a nice young man and in 2014 came home and said she was getting married.
A week later Joanne said she wanted a divorce, obviously I was no longer needed.
So after over two years of delays and motions Stein vs Stein was in front of Judge Jeffrey Goodstein,
Supreme Court, Nassau County.
These judges are inundated with cases, our trial was supposed to start, finally, April 2017.
The attorneys made opening statements and the judge says to take a break and try to settle again.
All of my work as a tech recruiter and later as a Realtor is all 1099 so of course you take all your deductions and it looks like you made nothing.
There was an offer on the table for some cash for me and I was flat out told to take it or I would end up with nothing or maybe half of what was being offered.
So after taking care of the kids and helping my wife advance her career for over 10 years, I end up with a little bit of cash not even enough to buy a place to live and she’s still making a million dollars or more a year, plus she gets to keep all the money accumulated during the marriage.
EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION, Not a chance.
I’m not sure if the outcome would be same if our places were reversed and I had the kids and the big time job and tossed her once I know they were taken of.
Was someone paid off? That is what she does for a living, they buy people to get the outcome that they want for projects.
I don’t know how to fix the court system but the way it is currently set up is not a fair system, the judges have too much discretion to do whatever they want.
I guess my advice is to get married in a state like California where they take the numbers and split it in half.
Time for me to start a new life.
Hopefully my little story will help someone out.
Good luck